In last week’s post we covered happiness vs fulfilment. Did you allow yourself to contemplate some of the questions through self-honesty and self-reflection?
We use the word “allow” as we want to talk about the rules and beliefs you have that may be a roadblock to experiencing fulfilment. We’re not saying these are wrong, but invite you to look more deeply and see how they are serving you.
A change in these rules and beliefs usually come when we are exhausted or burning out before we become open and willing to change. After trying the same thing again and again expecting different results, we feel we have to prove to ourselves that we can’t make it work before we finally surrender to “what is” and consider a new approach. As Jim Rohn once said, “change generally only comes through inspiration or desperation”. Do you feel yourself heading for one or the other?
You’ve likely set goals, which are great – but have you ever considered what the goal is ultimately for?
If you hit those life goals, what does the experience result in?
When we start tracing these goals, their end results and the things they provide, it usually translates to a feeling. A goal is simply a vehicle you are using to experience the feelings you want, either through meeting your main driving human needs or avoiding your fears, many of which are unconscious until we dive deeper.
If we’re ultimately chasing feelings and not things, it’s the rules we have in place that prevent us doing so. We’ve touched on it before, but it’s that conversation in our head that succinctly boils down to “When I get/achieve… then I’ll be happy” but really the conversation we should be having is “When I get… I will allow myself to feel what I want to feel.”
Goals are rules. Rules that delay fulfilment. We only do this because we were led to believe this was the game, the “happy when game” that will keep you in the hamster wheel of life. Goals are important because growth and contribution are two of the strongest pillars of existence, but it’s important to be aware of the workings of your mind and wake up to the conditioning that whilst well intentioned, isn’t likely to be serving you if you are not fulfilled in life right now.
Once you become curious about the mindset you have developed throughout life from the stems of childhood, you may recognise that the clothes you wore as a five year old are much like the rules and beliefs you learned at that age. They become a choice, and if you want to change your wardrobe, that’s up to you.
We make it so tricky to feel what we want to feel, so how about asking yourself what feeling you are trying to achieve when you reach your goals? If you can’t translate it to an immediate feeling, perhaps you need to dig a bit deeper into those goals – truly take the time for reflection. Then ask yourself, what rules do you have in place before you allow yourself to feel what you want to feel?
SCL Weekly Wellbeing is created by Nick Watson and Gary Waters. #SCLweeklywellbeing
Unlike most Legal Technology entrepreneurs, Nick Watson https://www.linkedin.com/in/nickpwatson/ comes from a development background with a history of developing large, bespoke projects for a variety of industries including the Law. Launching in April 2016, Nick co-founded Ruby Datum, a user experience-driven, pioneering Virtual Data Room company. He also has a passion for wellbeing and is working towards a vision of a more mindful legal industry.
Gary Waters https://www.linkedin.com/in/gary-waters-742b10148/ is a respected coach and entrepreneur. Gary’s background includes building a #1 ranking hospitality business in one of the UK’s most competitive tourism markets in the South West of England. Gary decided to sell that business so that he could channel all his energy and focus into his passion, which is helping people through coaching. Gary specialises in helping clients develop an Empowered Mindset, which enables them to navigate life’s challenges on their own terms. He’s passionate about helping people create a life of purpose and fulfilment through Personal Coaching, Business Coaching and Consulting programmes.
Also see:
SCL Weekly Wellbeing: https://www.scl.org/blog/10886-scl-weekly-wellbeing
SCL Weekly Wellbeing: The Ultimate Life Hack: https://www.scl.org/blog/10892-scl-weekly-wellbeing-the-ultimate-life-hack
SCL Weekly Wellbeing: The Cold Shower: https://www.scl.org/blog/10901-scl-weekly-wellbeing-the-cold-shower
SCL Weekly Wellbeing: The Ultimate Skill – Where do you spend most of your day? https://www.scl.org/blog/11918-scl-weekly-wellbeing-the-ultimate-skill-where-do-you-spend-most-of-your-day
SCL Weekly Wellbeing: Happiness vs Fulfilment https://www.scl.org/blog/11922-scl-weekly-wellbeing-happiness-vs-fulfilment
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